RIP Sasha Theodore “Alexander” Shulgin

OMFG! :o Sasha Theodore “Alexander” Shulgin, one of my greatest heroes has just died. If you do not know of the “Godfather of MDMA”… Please read more and enlighten yourself….

your life work of invaluable books and publications was invaluable.

Your experiences in life undoubtedly transcended (numerously) the most intense and mind-altering effects a human brain is capable.

"I first explored mescaline in the late ’50s […]. Three-hundred-fifty to 400 milligrams. I learned there was a great deal inside me."
— Alexander Shulgin, LA Times (1995)

This is a description of Alexander’s Highest level of transcendence with psycho-active substances. I believe I have been there once and I will never ever be able to have a PLUS FOUR again. It brings tears to my eyes to think another human could emphathise with this mental state.

Shulgin describes the PLUS FOUR (++++) as follows. Do not believe AT ALL, EVEN REMOTELY, without the GREATEST DEMURE that you have ANY empathy for this state of mind whatsoever. I am certain I have never met another human to have had a PLUS FOUR. PLUS FOUR experiences are things far beyond virtually everyone’s contemplation, comprehension and for that I am very sad.


"PLUS FOUR (++++) A rare and precious transcendental state, which has been called a ‘peak experience’, a ‘religious experience,’ ‘divine transformation,’ a ‘state of Samādhi’ and many other names in other cultures. It is not connected to the +1, +2, and +3 of the measuring of a drug’s intensity. It is a state of bliss, a participation mystique, a connectedness with both the interior and exterior universes, which has come about after the ingestion of a psychedelic drug, but which is not necessarily repeatable with a subsequent ingestion of that same drug. If a drug (or technique or process) were ever to be discovered which would consistently produce a plus four experience in all human beings, it is conceivable that it would signal the ultimate evolution, and perhaps the end, of the human experiment."

I have, since I was 16-17, predicted our ability to innumerably reproduce this experience invivo in humans, long before I had my own PLUS FOUR at 18 years old.
I said:

"If we do not kill ourselves with hydrogen bombs, or whatever else, before technology reaches the capacity to give everyone reproducible transcendental euphoria, life-long - our intelligence will have out-developed us and Darwinism will see the end of the human race in the most perfect and seraphic and awe-inspiring way."

Shuglin - I shall never forget the comfort it was to know of the existence of another human who could empathise with me…

Rest in peace; your experience and enjoyment of life is virtually without comparison.

I feel kind of bad for your parents. If I were a parent, and my daughter was a drug-addict prostitute, I would feel ashamed. If they support this shit you're into, they're fucked up as hell!

If my daughter was anything…. I would love them.  My parents worry too much about me, but they are better parents than you can ever hope to be.  Putting your own embarrassment in front of the love of your child.

My parents do not support me being a prostitute, they do not support me taking drugs, but my parents do support me, through thick and thin.  

Society has told you to hold prostitutes and people who take drugs in low regard.  You are too young, or too thick, to think for yourself.  You will forever be as naive as those before you… the kind of people who condemned blacks to slavery, the kind of people who burned witches at the stake and the kind of IGNORANCE that deemed torture for confession as acceptable, valid and morally justified practices. You cannot use your on brain and make decisions, you merely regurgitate things elders have told you and think that means you have a set of moral beliefs.  They are not even your beliefs… you have not assimilated anything… have you tried drugs, do you understand why people take them?  Do you even understand why I am an escort?

I view myself, less of a daughter to be ashamed of and more of a daughter to be phenomenally proud of.  In my school years, I far out performed and achieved much higher than any of my peers.  I was accepted by one of the best universities in the world (Trinity College Cambridge) on a conditional offer which I BLEW OUT OF THE COSMOS. I have the ability to consider the things I’m told and make my own mind up, because I’m not a coward… I don’t care if ignorant people like you condemn me… I know I am right and I your attempts to bring me down smash on my narcissistic armour! 

Anyway, I would like to offer you a different solution to your orginal diagnosis of me:

I am adequately (intensely to say the least) passionate about changing my gender that I have decided to be be brave and become a sex-worker where I have been able to fund my surgeries which willl allow me to live happily as a woman.  I have fearless seized a dream… I hope you might understand my parents could be proud of that.  

The drugs thing is pointless talking to you about, as I can tell you have ZERO experience and thus would not understand anything about the topic of taking narcotics. You’re right, drugs can ruin lives, that’s why society brainwashes you into condemning drugs without question.  It saves people like you, who are not intelligent enough to USE drugs and would only abuse and abuse.  I am not entirely against society brainwashing kids into thinking drugs are bad.  It has it’s pros and cons.  It definitely saves thick and naive people from starting to use drugs and getting out of their depth, lacking understanding and ruining their lives.  It also makes people very ignorant about drugs, so if you do ever get introduced, you will feel as though everything you have ever been told was so biased that you no longer believe any of it and you will have no tools (unless an enthusiastic chemist/biologist) to use drugs safely to enhance your life.


Hail Countess Elizabeth Báthory!

The most prolific serial killer of all time? Elizabeth Bathory likely brutally tortured and murdered more than 650 virgin girls for her narcissism. “The Blood Countess”, as she was known, bathed in the blood of her victims and clearly, Bathory was onto something!…
Harvard University find the blood of young mice reverses the ageing process of older mice.

Why Joseph Harwood and Myself, Synestra De Courcy, AKA Sphirex, Fell-Out.

This post is concerns the schism between two people; myself and Joseph Harwood, formally known, Joseph Lawrence, not to be confused with the brand trademark ‘Joseph Harwood’.

Joseph and I fell out because someone he knew heard me saying that I thought he was talented and driven.  I then, as I always do, go on to say that Joe is under-recognised for his perseverance and manifest virtuosity and therefore it saddens me to say that he lies to my face, never mind the public, about his achievements and general life, all too frquently.  Joe deserves more recognition for his work on youtube and he can go about getting that anyway he wishes, but lying to me constantly and making me look like an idiot in front of him for taking it in so gullibly, without interrogation, when we were friends, I found upsetting.

The person Joe knew at a club I was at ‘grassed me up’ on saying these things and Joe confronted me online about it.  He wanted me to apologise for my ‘drunken spurtings’, but I actually said to him that I would not apologise for saying those things because I believe them to be true and after our long relationship I was tired of being lied to. 

It is very difficult to talk to a friend when all they have to say is obviously bullshit… it’s boring because to connect with the conversation you are feeding the fire and the fiction continues to burn, until eventually all if left is the smog of mendacities and that is an uncomfortable atmosphere to be situated in.  Furthermore, it makes your own ‘real’ expierences that you’d like to share seem pathetic and unworthy of mention.  Also, you are being so humble to the person, because you are making yourself seem like a naive idiot, which I did for a long, long time, because I was too nice to question his claims and make him squirm.  After all, I just wanted to go out and have some fun together.  Our relationship was mostly exploring London-nightlife. 

Some examples of the things Joseph would tell me included that he inherited six-figures, one night, just before we were headed into a club Shadow Lounge in London Soho.  I didn’t ask if that was more like a hundred thousand pounds, or practically a million pounds sterling, because I knew this was fictitious and I just wanted to end fantasy conversations as soon as they arose, because I am a scientist.  Science is a path to truth and truth is what is interesting to me, because it is real and I want to learn genuine things about the universe in which I inhabit.  If I want a fantasy story I will read a book, or watch a film for they have substance that is inspiring and enjoyable to immerse yourself in and they do not claim to be non-fictional, unlike Joseph’s tales which were presented to me as actualities.  If a friend of mine did inherit six-figures and it was believable, my reaction would have been something like.

“OMG!  Wow!  Darling, I am so, so pleased for you. *happy embrace* Of course, it’s sad that your distant uncle passed away, but you must be over the moon? Like, are we talking a hundred thousand pounds, or closer to a million!?  OMG… *beaming with delight* What do you plan to do with the money!?”

I knew Joe in real life – he was not hugely rich for his age and the way he said it, his body language and prosody, as well as the fact he said “six-figures” (I mean come on… who would say such an ambiguous thing when conveying their good news?).

Other things he would tell me have included ‘earning hundreds of thousands of pounds as a child-model’ which he was now investing in his cosmetic brand.  Now, don’t get me wrong, Joseph Harwood cosmetics is an owned trademark and is a brand.  It is not, however, on sale, despite claims from Joseph that he would be releasing his brushes immanently about three and half years ago.  I’ll be on the safe side and say three years ago.  There has been no cosmetic Joseph Harwood products released commercially to date (30/04/2014).  Only samples, which I have no idea about, frankly, but many claim are just obtained through sites like:

I am not claiming Joe uses this website at all, it has just been suggested to me and with the rest of the evidence, that he has offered to me: E.g. Joe has invested hundreds of thousands of pounds into the development of his brand and yet seen absolutely zero turn-over in year three because nothing is even available to buy… well, either there is some nonsense going on there, or his brand has been an awful business catastrophe to date.

Other more minor nonsense that I’d have to listen to when we were together was things like ‘being “SHOUTED and SCREAMED OUT” of a Rhinoplasty cosmetic consultation for having a nose that the receptionist deemed too perfect and so had some sort of extraordinarily unprofessional jealous rage.’  Now, unlike Joseph, I have had around 15-20 serious cosmetic consultations with surgeons and the odd one with a nurse, or patient co-ordinator.  I have had 3 vocational, cosmetic procedures with general anaesthetic, I know what I’m talking about!  I am fully aware of the set-up of these organisations and that would never have happened.  The receptionist would hardly dare do something like that.  She would be sacked immediately.  Receptionists in these places are just there to give you your paperwork and alert your consultant that you are ready to go in when they are ready to receive you.  They sit behind a desk taking phonecalls and reading emails and showing people to the toilet and waiting room.  Anyway, I hopefully do not need to explain to you why that is utterly unbelievable, surely someone with the business aptitude of Joe would have gone to the papers about that and earned some more notoriety?

Anyway, this is just a tiny list of the kind of lies I put up with, looking like a gullible fool every time I met him.  Why did I continue to hang out with Joseph?  Frankly, because I am not insecure in my intelligence as I WAS OFFERED A PLACE AT TRINITY COLLEGE CAMBRIDGE on the condition that I achieve three ‘A’s at A-level.  I actually took four A-levels and far exceeded their conditions, because I was also awarded ‘A*’s which are very difficult to achieve and I take my hat off to anyone who manages in any a-level subject, particularly Mathematics and any of the core sciences, which is where mine were.  I am very comfortable with my intelligence so having to seem a fool was a sacrifice I could make, providing we got really smashed together and had a great time as we so often did!

These days Joseph has nothing to say about me except that I am exceedingly ugly and clinically insane because I accused him of being dishonest and repeatedly lacking veracity when speaking to me.  Joe used to compliment my appearance before we fell out, but now he sees me as an enemy, he has back tracked and decided that my face is so awfully disfigured and repulsive that it resembles a “Picasso painting”.  We could argue that he had always thought this, but just kept it to himself because we were friends and lied to make me feel better about my unsightly and hideous face.  I doubt that though, I’m sure Joe has seen people who look worse than I do.  I offer it to you that if I’m as unattractively revolting as Joe, these days, claims, he must truly be scared to go out, for the atrocious, monstrosities he must see in public all around him. 

Now Joseph and I are no longer friends I maintain that I believe he has virtuosity in makeup application and creates some fantastic tutorials for Youtube. I do not suddenly believe he is repulsive… that would just be silly, wouldn’t it?  I never thought his aesthetic was ghastly when we were friends, why would my opinion about the way he looks change so drastically just because we fell out?  It wouldn’t of course, I am a realist.  I see the world for what it is and I don’t resort to name-calling when I have a problem with them; I simply tell them what the problem is I have with them, nothing more.  In the case of Joseph, I maintain that he is chronically dishonest; that is my issue and that is thus all I am going to say about him and if that reality offends him so much, then I also question the verisimilitudes of the things he publically ‘thinks’ about me. I suggest to you that he likely does not think I’m an ogre, he merely resents me for being perspicacious enough to know so much of what he says is fabricated and that I had the valour to tell him and anyone else who asks me for my honest opinion.

Why have I made this post?  When Joseph and I fell out over the above, we made a pact to not talk about each other anymore.  Joseph broke that pact by attempting to turn my friend Michael James against me with a very long winded letter along with quotes I had said about Michael in times of raging over his behaviour to someone who loved to listen.  Of course, Joe very publically hated Michael James so he was always ready to hear my ranting and supplement it with this own empathy.  Michael and I lived together for two years, the best two years of my life, there were highs and there were lows and Joe tried to use very outdated quotes to turn Michael against me, but not only that… to reunite in friendship with Michael who, publically Joseph detested more than anyone else in the world, it seemed.  We never saw the end of snide video remarks and facebook statuses about what a despicable person Joseph believed Michael James to be; yet there he was seeking his hand in friendship in this letter which, as I said broke our promise not to speak ill ever again of each other.

I hope that makes everything very transparent for people who message me often asking “What really happened between you and Joseph Harwood?”

Without prejudice,

Synestra De Courcy

Why drugs and what drugs ?

Most drugs. I cannot explain to you why if you have no tried high doses of uppers.  They show you the capacities of your brain.  The highest capacity for my brain to comprehend success and happiness/elation.  The highest capacity that my brain can experience love.  With chemicals I have shown myself my human boundaries, transcending so far out of normal emotional boundaries that one can become apathetic.  What stops you?  I have also seen the limits of my brain to feel bad and that is a scarier place than you can ever imagine.

Sable Heart - taken by my client on his balcony after a fun night.No makeup picture. HD
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Will you ever come back to youtube? I miss the old Sphirex who made makeup tutorials and vlogs. I know you are happy with what you do, but being an escort will hinder your potential of being in a faithful relationship. There are so many LGBT youth who look up to you! Please set a good example? I know you are sick of people saying this to you, but I think you should have some more self respect. You probably won't give a fuck about anything I said here, but I'm worried for you.

I love my work.  People must stop being so closed minded.  It is my life.  I want to be an inspiration to people for the things I believe in.  Do not condemn escorts.  I am 21, I adore escorting, meeting new people who think of me no less than a goddess and who are paying me to forge my dreams by allowing me to afford the surgeries I require to transition.

Escorting is not for everyone.  Nobody should forget how strong a character I am. 

I am 21!  I don’t want a monogamous relationship.  That only ends in heart-ache.  I’m not ready for being in an exclusive relationship.  I like open relationships so I can love somebody without cutting myself off from meeting other men and enjoying myself.  I am too young to go monogamous.  I want relationships where I can explore the world and I want my partner to do the same and develop in the same way.  This is healthier than going from one closed relationship to the next.  I don’t want to start settling down until I am rather older.  Late twenties/early thirties.  By then I will have the relationship and sexual experience to make an informed choice about who my ideal partner might be.  I believe this is a healthier approach in this day and age.

To clarify, I am happy living life this way.  It is obligatory because  I need to make money to become the woman I so wish to be.  I dislike that you think I lack self respect… I am entirely self-centred.  I do things for me and I am not advocating to anyone that they should follow my footsteps, but please respect that I know where I am going and it’s thrilling to me.

Finally, yes, I will return to YouTube.  Not to do tutorials.  You can find those all over the place and I think they actually spoon-feed you information in a way which stunts creativity.  It is better to look at the final image and try your best to replicate it BY YOURSELF.  This develops true competence and a dynamic, confident artist.  Do not learn looks by wrote - that is not stimulating. Challenge yourself more and you will teach yourself how to do all kinds of creative stuff by yourself and maybe one day you will feel confident enough to create anything you see!

My deepest obsession.  I could stare into this until eternity fell in with me.This is precisely my understanding of my overwhelming narcissism - my thoughtful conjuration of how I see myself. P.S. My nipples aren’t wonky, I just have one arm raised and one arm not raised.Sable Heart HD
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